His pubic hair was longer than his dick
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
