I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
time to smoke my breakfast
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
