I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
