A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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