people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
