3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I understand Curling. That high.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
