plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
