you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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