You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
