Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize