Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
