Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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