summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
