I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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