I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
