I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
