Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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