I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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