Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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