the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
