It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
