He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
