roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
God I need to hump something, right now.
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