Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
