i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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