Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
