I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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