You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
