mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize