Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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