I need to stop coming to work sober
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
last night I used snow as a chaser
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
