Plan B is the new Plan A
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
