naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
