Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
