When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
