Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
