take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
