WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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