Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
