the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize