Please, let me fuck your mom
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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