hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
nutella sex= disaster
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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