HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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