You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
