At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize