i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
