just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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