What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize