At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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