UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
