True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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