go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
