No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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