so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize