No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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