that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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