So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
zippers are such a cool invention
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
