grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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