Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm both gender and math confused
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
