I faked an abortion last night.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
