He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
