Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
