i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
