I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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